Thoughts on receiving an MBE

MBEs turn up from left field – you’re simply not expecting them. You’re just getting on with the thing you love doing, the thing that’s got you out of bed for the last couple of decades, the thing you’re ridiculously passionate about, and then one day a letter turns up from the Cabinet Office.

My initial response was to laugh – it all seemed faintly ridiculous. But as the idea settled in, I became increasingly aware of what this says about the cause, my ‘thing’, and how our message –although still hugely unwelcome in some circles – has moved from being radically, even laughably, ’alternative’, to being directly in line with current government thinking. Our message of health promotion, self direction and patient choice is now widely seen as ‘sensible’, even ‘obvious’, along with the concepts we have always advocated for such as ‘lifestyle medicine’ (which would probably have been considered an oxymoron were it even in use twenty years ago), and ‘wellbeing’, something only a few hippies in the West country did.

So although oncology has managed to stay shockingly ‘twentieth century’ in its ethos and attitudes, the views of the public and of government have shifted substantially. More and more people facing cancer are realising that they can get on a lot better if they get informed, take charge of their own treatment choices and embrace the broadest view of what might be required to maximise their health and wellbeing. 

I like to think that Yes to Life has played some part in this movement over the last twenty years, and if so, then that has been in large part due to the inspirational people who have been a part of our story, whether as volunteer, staff, trustee or devoted supporter. When you hold up a flag to say that people in dire need deserve better care, that there is a lack of love being shown to them, extraordinary people begin to step forward, many imbued with pioneering spirit, all singularly big-hearted, and we have been more than fortunate in this regard.

Many charitable initiatives have their foundations built on loss and grief, and Yes to Life is no exception. The death of my youngest daughter Bryony was to prove a powerful catalyst for change in me. It transformed my relationship to life to such a degree that there was simply no going back. It provided me with a forward impetus that hasn’t let up in twenty years – in fact it has only got stronger as my conviction in regard to the direction my life has taken has grown, and my time remaining to ‘move the needle’ has dwindled. That I should have been shown the way to a life that I could previously have only dreamt of, a thrilling life flooded with love, connection and inspiration, is a wonder that impresses itself on me every single day. I can only be utterly grateful for the experience I have had that has led me to this, even though that experience includes the tragic loss of one of my precious daughters.

Although Bryony is with me every single day – something I can’t anticipate ever changing – my two other beautiful daughters Ellen and Myrren have grown to entirely fill the space left by her untimely departure with their love. And my beautiful wife Nancy has been there all along, a constant thread running through it all, always by my side, a force of loving stability, making it even possible for me to give over crazy amounts of time and energy to the charity.

I have to stop and look back to see the distance travelled in two decades. We have come a long way, but emotionally, I feel right at the very start, with so much ahead to be done. I can’t imagine there will ever be any possibility of a ‘job done’ moment ahead – there will always be more: more care to be taken, more love to be shared with people in need. Love is a project with no completion date. But I do hope to live to see cancer services that are far kinder to both those giving and those receiving care. 

Although it’s clear I will always miss Bryony, my day to day experience is not one of emptiness, but of being caught up and swept along in a surging flood of extraordinary bounty. I count myself beyond fortunate to have been a part of all this, to have found a way into the heart of life. So on a personal level, it makes receiving an award for such good fortune a strange, slightly nonsensical experience. But to celebrate the power of love to transform us all, and through its mysterious alchemy to transmute our darkest experiences into gold – now that is something worthy of celebration!

Robin Daly MBE

Founder & Chair, Yes to Life