A cancer diagnosis may, for many, represent a worst nightmare come true. Life as you knew it has gone and you have been catapulted into a world so unfamiliar it probably leaves you longing for the safe return to a time before the dark cloud appeared; to a time when your first peaceful waking thoughts weren’t quickly followed by an awful sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you remember the stark reality of this situation. Yes, we can probably all agree that life will never be the same again and after everything that a diagnosis of this nature brings, few would take time to ponder on whether life could in fact be better than it was before, because it just couldn’t possibly be better…could it?
What if this scenario allowed us the space and time to rethink how we have been living; permission to stop our world, step off and consider our existence with fresh eyes, a new perspective? What if it gave us opportunity to ditch what was no longer serving us and intentionally cultivate more of what brings us joy, meaning and purpose into each and every day? We could do this at any time, but we get entangled in obligations and beliefs about how we should be living our lives and any momentary awakenings seem to be squashed down and replaced rapidly with the words, “maybe tomorrow”.
Everything that happens in our world is neutral, neither good nor bad. It just…is what it is. Until of course we assign meaning to it. This is not something that we are used to considering, yet the questions “What am I making this mean?” and “What could it mean instead?” open us up to a new way of thinking that can be a life-changing. Simple realisation that we actually get to choose the meaning we assign to events, is a total game-changer. On reflection we often see that the meanings we assign are based on a set of beliefs handed down to us, or that exist within our society, culture, and communities. With a cancer diagnosis, when desperately trying to make sense of what has happened to us, we look out into the world in an attempt to seek meaning. Often we find narratives that are simply frightening and unhelpful. We owe it to ourselves to find our own narratives.
One of the many exercises I introduce my Reflective group programme clients to, is to analyse the difference between Redemption Stories and Contamination Stories.
A Redemption story is where we accept the reality of a situation whilst also finding something within that experience that allows for growth or a greater appreciation and gratitude towards yourself, your strengths and the good things in your life. For example, in my journey from diagnosis until now, I can say that the experience of cancer and the treatment involved wasn’t always easy, however I have used that to assess my life and affect many positive changes that have allowed me to live a life in line with my values, my strengths and my purpose. I now feel more joy and gratitude daily, living a more, peaceful, purposeful and meaningful life.
A Contamination story, meanwhile, starts with something like, “I was diagnosed with cancer, I was poisoned and burnt…and everything has gone downhill from that point onwards”. Our internal narrative is the meaning that we assign to our lives and if we set out expecting things to undergo a downward spiral, then this is what our brain sets out to prove and it will search the current situation for evidence that our expectations are correct. By giving our brain a different expectation, it starts to see evidence to support that instead. This is why keeping a gratitude journal or even just mentally recalling the things that we are grateful for in life is invaluable, as our brain starts to then seek out for more of what it has already noticed.
So what are you making a Cancer diagnosis mean in your life? Are you making it mean that you are doomed or are you making it mean that there is now the potential to build a life that you love for as long as you have a life to live?
I know which one I choose and I believe every cancer cloud can indeed have a silver lining.
Julie Foubister
Transformational Coach, specialising in Mindset, Meaning & Purpose and Resilience
If you would like more information on the Coaching Programme for those diagnosed with Cancer, please email julie@thriverhive.com Julie’s address is www.thriverhive.com It’s being worked on, so it is only a landing page at the moment, but there is a sign up form on there for her programme etc.
