Day at a time, Self-compassion changes everything, 4/5/20

A Day at a Time – A Daily Blog of Life in Lockdown

During this period in history, although I listen to very little news, I keep catching stories evidencing the amount of kindness in our communities and out in the world. In mindfulness, an attitude or capacity we practice cultivating is loving kindness or unconditional friendliness to our internal and external experience. It’s a complete openness to what is …. to what is happening in our lives, in our thoughts and feelings and in our bodies.

With time, I began to understand that allowing all our experience is the greatest kindness we can give ourselves and it builds our connection with others. We are so habituated to resist uncomfortable feelings or judge our thoughts, to push away what we don’t like about ourselves, but it doesn’t serve us, not in the long term anyway. I noticed how in times of stress, I would get all caught up in my head going over and over things and then I had a clear realisation about how isolated this made me feel, how shut off from the world. It was on a dog walk. There I was wrestling away in my head when I suddenly became aware how lonely and isolated I felt. I dropped the story and came back to my senses, shutting my eyes to start with, feeling my feet on the ground, listening to sounds, feeling the air on my skin. This simple opening out again transformed my experience. It allowed a reconnecting with myself, my whole self – heart and mind and in turn with all humanity. The feeling of isolation was no longer there.

Practicing mindfulness and cultivating kindness and openness towards what we experience, we learn to be present with thoughts and painful feelings like anxiety and fear; we begin to really get to know ourselves. We gradually become more aware, noticing thoughts and feelings as they arise. When we notice patterns of thoughts coming, rather than getting caught up in the story or resisting and avoiding in other ways, we turn to the wisdom of the body, experiencing the sensations and feelings arising. We begin to understand and accept our whole selves, strengths, failures, warts and all. It is a recognition that we all struggle, we all make mistakes, we all feel pain, and this is what we have in common with the rest of humanity – this is what connects us. Compassion for one another naturally follows.

Hint: Give yourself what you need in the moment every day

Practice: Self-compassion

When you notice yourself beginning to get over-whelmed or caught up in your thoughts, take a moment. Pause and come back to your senses, notice what’s around you, what can you see and hear and from this broader perspective or wider container, acknowledge that you are suffering, things are stressful. Remind yourself that you are not alone and right now lots of people all over the world are suffering in the same way. Bring some kindness to your experience, maybe even place a hand on your heart and acknowledge the pain even if you don’t understand it. Be with it like you would a crying child. Notice the thoughts that come, the hurry up mind that pushes you to get on and let them go, knowing that the greatest kindness and wisdom in this moment is to rest with yourself.