A Day at a Time – A Daily Blog of Life in Lockdown
Easter Sunday. I woke up later and started the day in a more relaxed manner with coffee in bed, then pottered around a bit before reading a few emails. I started noticing that my breath was feeling laboured, I think following news from a friend. I set up my mat in the garden and started practicing Qi Gong and feeling like my breath and energy were flowing again. Fortunately, I was coming towards the end of my practice when the whiff of smoke reached me, heralding my lovely son’s awakening. Soon after, I became aware of a discussion going on in the kitchen between him and my husband. It transpired that he was heading out for the day with no fixed time for return. He’s 18, only recently home seeing his friends again and is struggling with the full lockdown rules. He sees one friend at a time from the village and they go for a walk or a cycle and he is very disciplined about washing his hands as soon as he comes in which is an amazing break with his normal handwashing habits!!!! Anyway, my husband and I had been hoping we would all spend some time together and play a few games in the garden. A little bit of a difference of opinion arose and probably a few things were said that would have been better not said. Anyway, he left, and we were left feeling a bit negative and fed-up and not really understanding what was going on for him.
This depressed mood hung over me and I decided to take care of myself by going to meditate. I sat on my cushion in my meditation space and let the thoughts come and start building up in my head. I almost immediately became aware of the sensations associated with these thoughts in my body – like a tightness, energy rising through my chest and into my throat and head and releasing. It was so quick that it was hard to discern what the feeling was – sadness perhaps. I sat on enjoying the freedom and spaciousness of the practice and feeling immense gratitude for it. In a normal busy day (pre-covid 19) I might’ve pushed on carrying the mood with me so that when my son returned home it would be all too quick to be re-triggered. Instead, when he came home, we enjoyed a lovely evening together sitting outside playing poker.
Hint: We can’t control what thoughts and feelings arise in us, but we can recognise them as they are, sometimes painful sometimes frustrating but always changing and if we allow ourselves to approach them with curiosity and acceptance then there is the possibility of freedom.
