The Power in the Pause

How to take an intentional pause and nourish your terrain, by Amanda King

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response.

In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

-Viktor Frankl

Why the pause matters

The old year has closed, the new just begun, and the darker months of Winter symbolise a natural shedding away of the old in readiness for the unknown new. In between the old and the new we need to make a space. That space is intended for reflection which has the potential to help us grow. In order for us to grow and flourish from all the last year has brought, we need to create fertile soil, to develop our creativity as we would grow healthy flowers and to plant seeds in our soul that develop into beautiful flowers and healthy crops over the coming year. Fertile soil is the substrate that all life flourishes from… without good soil, good land or ‘good terrain’, flowers and crops will not thrive – and it’s the same for us. We cannot continue to farm our terrain and push it to maximum production, we must take a pause to recharge our power, restore our terrain, to reset.

Cancer can bring a huge emotional and physical overload to those who live with it, and to those who support them. We risk cracking under the weight of a heavy load if we don’t take intentional time to pause. Pausing interrupts the cycle of stress and cultivates resilience. Resting gives us more clarity in decision making and sometimes with cancer we have huge choices to make when it comes to treatment and other life-changing decisions. Bringing in that intentional pause regularly allows us a chance to reset our nervous system, or at least bring it down to a healthy level; we create breathing room to breathe in our agency and breathe out stress, so we have more control. A sense of powerlessness is prevalent in the cancer space, with people often finding that they feel on a conveyor belt, in a ‘factory’ or with no choices. The pause brings us our agency back.

Integrative Oncology emphasises restoration of agency, peace and clarity to anyone with cancer, transforming the feeling of fighting a disease in a constant, exhausting battle.

Chronic stress during cancer treatment

While we are very grateful for the incredible advances in conventional medical treatment, the processes are incredibly stressful, often with some horrendous side effects. Stress makes the experience of these worse. The fear – tension – pain syndrome coined by Grantly Dick-Reed for childbirth in the early 1900s is applicable across all stress and pain states. Fear increases anxiety, which creates stress in the body, and stress increases the perception of pain, which has somatic consequences like digestive upsets, immune system suppression and fatigue.

Overactive nervous systems cause sleeping problems, reducing our capacity to cope, and also reducing resilience and creating an overall decrease in any healing process.

Intentional pausing throughout these times allows the body to switch from the stress mode called sympathetic, into the relaxed parasympathetic mode which reduces stress. This allows better digestion, which confers better absorption of nutrients and elimination of wastes, better immunity to fight the disease and overall better quality of life.

Reflection as gentle medicine ‘Sitting with our feelings’

Our world is so fast-paced already that attention spans are reducing year on year; social media shorts are becoming even shorter, reflecting a correlational (causal?) relationship with ADHD diagnoses. We have no time to stop, we are either constantly on the move and busy or constantly occupied with ‘urgent’ matters on our phones and social media.

All this ‘doing’ allows no time for ‘being’, for being with our thoughts, reflecting on events, and integration of learning is vital to developing a wholly integrated self. Without integration we are fractionated, fragmented and incomplete. In order to put the pieces of ourselves back together we need to create that quiet space between things, without social media, without texting or talking, without even reading, no distractions except to rest, sit, relax by the fire and watch the flames, or take a walk in nature. There is no need to even ‘try’ to think about processing on purpose, your awareness will do that for you all by itself. You simply need to create the space and time and allow yourself to come back down to Earth, into your body and out of your head. Less thinking and more feeling. When you sit with your feelings without trying to change them, distract yourself or be anything other than what you are, the magic slowly happens. We start to feel better. It can take time, and dipping in and out of this process is better overall than pushing yourself to your limits before you take time to stop.

We want to cultivate acceptance of the way we feel, without forcing some kind of fake positive attitude. It’s important to sit with our anger, our grief and our disappointment and make friends with these feelings, even as much as befriending our wins and our joys.

Marshall Rosenberg of Non-Violent Communication said what we feel is what is alive in us.

“When we are in contact with our feelings and needs,

we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.”

― Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

When we allow space for the feeling, we connect to ourselves, it’s the very foundation of our self care to simply connect to our feelings and feel them. This allowing of self expression without judgement is the basis of all self esteem and confidence, and this has a knock-on effect on our physical body.

When we think about sitting with our feelings, we can default to imagining that means sitting with our anger or frustration and all the other negative feelings like sadness that might arise. In fact it’s the whole spectrum, so remember to sit and feel into your own personal strength, your courage, and feel grateful for showing up for yourself in those moments of self-advocacy too, especially when it wasn’t easy to do.

The practice of self-reflection helps us derive meaning from our experiences and integrate them into our being; we want to transform these meanings into purpose to drive further intentional action.

Simple journalling practices

While writing and journalling isn’t everyone’s preferred modality of self-reflection, for many it can be a process of unfolding. Often people find that even though they thought they had nothing to write about, as soon as pen touches paper – or finger to keypad – the words start to come and the maps of meaning start to paint themselves. If you aren’t sure where to start with journalling, try some of these ideas:

• Write about three moments that mattered each week in your journal.
• Make a short list of the things you handled well today
• Without intention to change or fix anything, name one worry and one hope
• Write down the big themes going on and then break these themes into small details – even using bullet points if you like
• Use literary expressions that are more sensory than cerebral eg I have anger that feels dull and thick in my chest area or grief feels like waves coming and going, building to intensity and I hear rushing/roaring and then flowing away
• Write letters to anyone you feel a contraction around, thoughts about, dead or alive, to release emotional build up. Sometimes burning these letters can feel like you release the energy in them and you might feel that you set yourself free
• At the end of each day write: What did I learn? What did I let go of? What do I need to continue?

The end of the year

Journalling as an ‘end of year’ practice allows you to sit back with intention in the space you have created for yourself, to go through each month in turn, reflecting on what happened that month and writing about it. What happened? How did you feel? What decisions did you make? What felt hard? What gave you hope?

Journalling is a great way to set your intentions for the year. In his book ‘Letting Go’ the author David Hawkins talks about setting goals and then letting go of the desire or ‘need’ to have them happen. This both sets the intention, so that you are oriented towards your goal, whilst still holding that goal lightly and taking the attachment to the outcome away from the process, which gives your nervous system a break

Breathwork to reset your nervous system

• Slow nasal breathing without a pattern
• Box breathing (4–4–4–4 pattern) for grounding – try YouTube for examples of how this is done
• Extended exhale breathing to reduce tension – Buteyko breathing again on YouTube
• Breathing with hand on belly or heart to foster bodily awareness
• Very short practices (1–3 minutes) work well for patients with fatigue, you will build up your resilience over time

Grounding rituals to steady or ‘Earth’ the body

• ‘Five senses check-in’ to anchor awareness – what can I see? What can I taste? What can I smell? What do I hear? What can I feel on my skin?
• Feeling feet on the floor and noticing weight distribution – appreciate the ground that holds you up, the air that you breathe
• Using warm objects (heated rice pack, cup of tea) to soothe and calm
• Touch-based grounding: hands on thighs, palms together, gentle self-massage (examples on YouTube)
• Nature-based grounding when possible: sitting near a window, touching a houseplant, stepping outside for a minute of fresh air, putting your feet on the soil each day
• We are looking to reduce fight or flight responses, and all grounding practices are intended to get you out of your head and the ‘danger’ response, and back to Earth and in your body again
• Grounding mats are showing promise too and are inexpensive, you can easily put one under your sheet at night to have the same effect as walking on the Earth or sleeping in connection with Earth as nature intended

Naturopathic supports for reflection rituals

• Herbal teas that encourage calm: chamomile, lemon balm, tulsi
• Warm, easily digestible foods that encourage stillness and comfort like broths, soups and stews
• Aromatherapy as a sensory cue for slowing down: lavender, bergamot, cedar
• Gentle evening routines to signal the body that it’s safe to rest, like lemon balm tea with magnesium, a red light sauna then a hot bath or shower before bed with a book, no electronics

Creating your own ‘personal pause rituals’

• Carry out your pause practice nightly or weekly at the same time, to reinforce rhythm and safety in the practice
• Light a candle or soft lamp to mark the beginning of your reflective time
• Use a special notebook, pen, or blanket to create a familiar and safe environment, remember you want to get out of fight or flight and that requires this sense of safety
• Keep the ritual brief so you look forward to this as time for you, not as work or a chore
• Turn off notifications or place your phone in another room to create clearer mental space

A pause gives permission to slow down

in a world that pushes speed and productivity.

Looking ahead to the coming year with soft intentions

‘Soft intentions’ allow flexibility as they guide us without pushing. Examples of this might include:

• ’I want to listen more than I speak’
• ‘I want to focus on solutions instead of problems’
• ’I want to choose understanding in my interactions instead of winning’
• ‘I want to listen to what my feelings are telling me so I can meet the need underneath’

The end of one year and the start of another is a natural doorway for us all which invites us to slow down, listen inward, and step forward into the new year with more clarity, peace and connection. By implementing some of the ideas here we have the opportunity to create a pause that serves us well, saying thank you and so long to the old, and welcoming in the new.

Amanda King ND, Nutritionist, Naturopath and Integrative Metabolic Oncology Specialist

www.themetabolicnutritionist.com